Elevator Pitch – Singlepointe

PitchGet this: The worst spy in the history of British intelligence is assigned to investigate the execution of Agent MacGuffin.

What is it? A silly, GWOT-era comedy-action feature film drawing on classic spy dramas like James Bond, The Avengers, The Mod Squad, Mission: Impossible, Get Smart, Derek Flint, The Man From UNCLE, and I Spy. The comedic hooks are corny name puns and playing on early 21st century cultural tropes the way campy 60s era spy parodies (like Austin Powers) played on mod and flower-child culture.

SYNOPSIS
(If you’re allergic to low-brow puns, skip this.)

SINGLEPOINTE

In the opening sequence, we see Agent MacGuffin (try to get a cameo from a high-profile actor like Sean Bean or Liam Neeson) trading a briefcase of Euros for four 8MB thumb drives of info on sales of Russian plutonium to al-Qáeda.

As he turns to leave, he is hit over the head with a jeweled statuette of a falcon. One of the thumb drives falls from his pocket and is crushed by the falcon when MacGuffin’s killer drops it. Intriguingly, the killer steps over MacGuffin without retrieving the other thumbdrives.

Back at British Intelligence Technical Command Headquarters, Commander Bertha Marx is consulting with agency historian Miles Stone on the records of executed agents. He attempts to refer to her by her nickname “Stretch,” but she rebuffs him.

Stone tells Marx that several agents have recently been executed during exchanges, but without the assets they were exchanging being taken by their murderers. Agent Horstwater was killed after he refused to take a beverage offered him.

MARX: You never could make him drink.

STONE: Before him, it was the cybercrime agent. Earlybird.

MARX: She always got the worm.

STONE: And before her, Agent Booke.

MARX: You couldn’t judge him by his cover.

STONE: And before him, Agent Watchpot.

MARX: Steady man. He never boiled over.

STONE: And, Agent Gifthorse.

MARX: Bad teeth. [shivers]

Operative Daisy Chain, the continuity officer, joins them to help Marx find an agent to replace MacGuffin on the case. She first suggests Agent Joynam, but Marx rejects him as the guy you only call when you can’t beat them. And, Marx mentions offhandedly that he’s on a mission with Agent Circleback. Then Chain suggests the notoriously long-missing Agent Freelunch. Marx says nobody is even sure he exists.

Finally, Chain suggests Agent Trevor Singlepointe. Marx and Stone laugh. Then, they laugh more. Then, they realize that Daisy Chain isn’t joking.

The second sequence introduces Agent Singlepointe during an operation in Tangier exchanging cash for a list of drug smugglers. When asked why he wanted to make the exchange in Tangier, he replies: “Where else are spies supposed to meet?” His pager tells him to call off the mission and return to BITCH immediately. He quickly excuses himself and leaves without making the exchange. As he steps out the door, a man wielding a child’s sled steps out of hiding and shrugs. The camera zooms in on the word “Rosebud” on the sled.

The third sequence introduces us to the BITCH equipment lab, where Agent Singlepointe and two other agents are putting together their inventory for their upcoming missions. Dr. Vanessa “Nessa” Settee is introduced by Commander Marx as the mother of invention. Agent Beggar is repeatedly told that he can’t choose his equipment.

The rest of the film: Singlepointe is partnered with Agent DeKnight-Oueix, whose grandfather’s portrait has appeared prominently in previous scenes to introduce the viewers to the name. When Singlepointe asks if he’s the famous agent who carried out the famous “Paris Repatriation” mission, DeKnight-Oueix replies: “The Pawis Wepatwiation? No, that was my cousin, Twistan. My name is Danson. Danson DeKnight-Ouiex.”

The farce continues as Agent Singlepointe flubs mission after mission, yet revealing a plot by the neo-Nazi “Axis Secret Services” to eliminate BITCH agent-by-agent. Finally trapped by ASS agents, Singlepointe is forced to call in Agent Joynam to save the day. Joynam arrives, but is soon subdued by ASS agents. At the last minute, Agent Circleback shoots the ASS agents from the shadows.

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