Odd Thoughts

At some point, one of our grandchildren is going to read the name “Bin Laden” and think: “weighed down by a lot of containers?”

I want to rewrite O. Henry’s “Gift of the Magi” so that Della decides she can’t part with her hair after all, then abandons Jim because she can’t be with a man who doesn’t own a watch.

I wonder if, in literary heaven, Homer ever gets angry at being deconstructed out of his own oeuvre and shouts “BA-A-ARTHES!”

“Yeah, but what’s the point?” – Most common question faced by the guy who first turned a stick into a spear.

My favorite part of fluorescent lighting is that this is a test. Repeat, this is only a test. If it had been an actual emergency, the sound you’re hearing would be followed by news and instructions. This has been a test of the Emergency Broadcast Light Bulb.

This is my impression of 80 percent of what football commentators say [doing a Brian Regan "stupid guy" voice]:

“What make you go forward is good … and what make … what make you go backward, that’s bad.”

What do people who don’t believe in luck say instead of “wish me luck”?

“Wish me a favorable series of deterministic events that have already been set in motion by causality outside of our awareness!”

Braunschweiger … SPAM for classy people.

“Cotton swab” sounds like an archaic term for a sailor with a pleasant temperament.

“Aye, I remember Jim.  He was a cotton swab if e’ere there were one!”